


The Topic of Sex

by CrunchySalad



Category: Tennis no Oujisama | Prince of Tennis
Genre: Canon Compliant, Explicit Language, Humor, M/M, No Sex, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-06-19
Updated: 2005-06-19
Packaged: 2017-10-19 10:40:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/199934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrunchySalad/pseuds/CrunchySalad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Rikkai boys discuss their sex lives and tease a prudish Sanada.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Topic of Sex

No one was exactly sure how the topic if sex had come up, but most of them assumed it had been Niou who had brought it up. It wasn't exactly a taboo subject... they were healthy adolescent boys, after all, so sex was nearly always on their minds. It's just that some of them weren't as vocal about it as their resident trickster. It really was all a moot point though, because no matter how it had been brought up, the fact remained that it was now the topic of discussion.

"First time..." Yukimura blinked innocently, having the innate ability of looking like an angel even when describing the most decadent of sexual acts. "It was on a bed, actually."

"Argh." Niou frowned in distaste. "That's so boring, Yukimura."

"Does it matter if it was my English teacher's bed?"

"No. Still boring. I expected more from you."

"So where was yours?" Marui asked, in an incredulous kind of tone that made it quite clear he didn't think Niou's first time was any more exciting.

"School restroom, first year."

Yagyuu sputtered on the water he was drinking, before quickly calming himself. "I'm flattered to know that I was your first."

"Well, duh." Niou grinned and slapped Yagyuu on the back. "Some one had to be."

Jackal sat at the corner of the table, all of the sudden feeling very tense and awkward. Like many straight young men, he was slightly homophobic, though he didn't want to discriminate by getting up and leaving this very uncomfortable conversation. How come most boys he met in these tennis clubs were gay, anyway?

"We haven't heard from you yet, Akaya." Yanagi turned a level gaze on the second year, who was now flushed a light shade of red.

"Please. The brat probably doesn't even have a first time." Niou looked like he was about to laugh, but then every one heard a cough from Sanada.

"Akaya's first time was on a bed. The proper place for all sexual encounters."

Every one blinked, first at Sanada, then at Kirihara. Then Jackal looked away, even more uncomfortable then before, while Yagyuu went on just being Yagyuu and Yanagi smiled in that unaffected way that he did. Marui completely cracked up, as though the thought of Sanada and Kirihara having sex together was the funniest thing in the world, while Niou and Yukimura snickered to each other.

"Okay." Marui finally stopped laughing long enough to move the conversation along. "Strangest location. Mine was in a hot tub."

Marui seemed to look very proud of himself.

Niou and Yukimura smiled at each other before they both said, simultaneously, "In a tree."

"Huh?" Marui looked absolutely baffled. "How'd you two pulled that off?"

"My prodigious talents extend to other areas outside of tennis," Yukimura explained.

"Of course," Yanagi conceded, as though it was only logical. "I'm afraid my most exotic locale was only the locker room."

Jackal felt a shudder run through his body. He hoped some one disinfected the club house every once in a while.

"The school restroom, first year," Yagyuu commented, as though he were discussing the weather.

"Wow, Yagyuu." Niou grinned. "I'm flattered!"

Every one looked at Sanada, then at Kirihara, who was very obviously pouting.

"He always makes us do it on a bed," Kirihara whined.

"Akaya," Sanada reprimanded, the tone of his voice something like one would use to scold a favorite puppy. "There is a time and place for everything, and that is the proper place for sexual intercourse."

Niou and Marui broke out laughing.

"You're such a machine!" Marui burst out, when he finally calmed down enough to.

"Sexual intercourse," Niou said, trying to imitate Sanada's low, stern voice, and it sent Marui off laughing again. "Dude, what's your foreplay like?" Niou lowered his voice, imitating Sanada again. "Akaya. You will now lay on the bed and allow me to penetrate you. We will fornicate for exactly ten minutes, after which I will immediately fall asleep."

"Niou-sempai!" Kirihara whined, but Niou was too busy laughing at his own joke to care.

"Now, Pineapple-upside-down-cake," Yukimura cooed to Niou, "don't tease little Akaya."

"I'm sorry, my little Balut egg," Niou cooed back. "I won't do it again. For the next minute, at least."

"But really, Genichirou." Yanagi's voice was curious, the same tone he used when he was collecting data. "What do you mean there's a time and place for everything? Surely you don't schedule your sexual endeavors?"

"It's more practical that way," Sanada explained, his voice a bit defensive.

"If you'll excuse my saying so," Yagyuu interjected, "I believe you're lying."

Marui was more straightforward then that. "I call bullshit!"

"It's true," Kirihara muttered, slumping over in his seat. "Sanada-fukubuchou likes to keep to a schedule."

"What if the mood strikes you?" Yanagi asked.

"It doesn't."

"Yeah, right," Niou scoffed. "Like you don't ever fall asleep in class and wake up with wood?"

"I suppress it."

Blank stares all around, then Yukimura's gentle voice. "Excuse me?"

"If I feel an erection starting, and I'm not planning on having sex or masturbating, I will it away."

"Bullshit!" This time it was both Marui and Niou.

Jackal wondered if he could move back to Brazil, where all his friends were straight (well, except for Manuel, but Manuel never talked abut his sex life like this), and there were a lot of hot babes in tiny bikinis everywhere.

"So," Yanagi drawled, "if you start to become aroused now..."

"I'll put an end to it before I get an erection," Sanada finished.

"I don't believe it," Yukimura said, smirking.

If Sanada wasn't just a little bit afraid of his captain, he might have narrowed his eyes at him. He had never, ever, ever beaten Yukimura at anything before (whether it was tennis, school work, or foosball), and secretly he was thinking that he could at least beat him in this. After all, he had been practicing since he had hit puberty. "Try me."

Yukimura raised one of those oh-so-elegant eyebrows. "You think I can't get you hard?"

"Oh oh," Niou laughed, "Yuki-buchou is not amused."

"I don't think you'll win this challenge, Genichirou." Yanagi smiled and tilted his head. "Seichi is fairly irresistible."

"I can do it," Sanada proclaimed, maybe for his own benefit more than anything else.

"Fine." Yukimura's lips twisted up into a smile before he turned to Kirihara. "Akaya, you have some food on your face."

"Huh? Where?" Akaya wiped at his face with the back of his hand, missing the sauce right next to his lips by mere centimeters.

"Let me get that for you."

Every one watched as Yukimura reached out and cupped Kirihara's face in his hands, pulling the younger boy forward. There was the initial glimpse of a wet, pink tongue, and then Yukimura was licking the sauce off Kirihara's face with long, languid strokes.

"Yukimura-buchou," Kirihara complained, blushing as Yukimura's tongue moved on to his lips.

"Don't whine, Akaya."

And of course, Kirihara always listened to every word his buchou had to say, and only closed his eyes and parted his lips to allow Yukimura easier access. Yukimura slid his tongue in and coaxed Kirihara's out, and soon had the green-eyed boy purring in perfect contentment as their kisses deepened.

This was not sexy. Yukimura was not impossibly beautiful, Kirihara was not impossibly cute, and they were not making little moans and gasps while kissing each other. At least, they were certainly not kissing each other naked. Wait... why had he even thought that last part? Sanada shook his head, but once that tiny thought had appeared in his mind he couldn't stop the floodgates from opening. Yukimura and Kirihara, kissing, naked, their bodies flushed pink and their faces perhaps splattered with cum.

"We have wood!" Marui announced.

Yukimura moved away from Kirihara and smiled in victory. "I never lose."

"Gee, Sanada," Niou cackled, "that didn't take long."

Sanada pushed his palms onto the table and stood up. "I don't have time for such ridiculous conversations."

Sanada made it to the front door before turning back. "Akaya, it's almost seven."

"Oh?" Akaya asked, wondering why Sanada was telling him this. Then again, "Ooooh."

This time with subtext, and Akaya got up and ran to catch up with his fukubuchou.

"Hey, Sanada!" Niou called out after them. "If you're finished with him by seven ten, send him over to Yuki's so I can have some fun with him too!"

Kirihara stuck his tongue out at his sempai before disappearing outside of the store.

Jackal knew an opportunity when he saw one, and gathered his things. "Yeah. I... gotta go too."

"I believe I'll take my leave as well." Yagyuu got up and walked out after Jackal.

"So," Marui leaned forward over the table, watching as their friends left. "Next question. If you had to give up one forever, which would it be: sex or tennis?"

"No doubt, tennis," Niou said.

"Sex," Yukimura said at the same exact time, not even thinking about it.

Niou looked absolutely aghast at Yukimura's answer. "You could do without sex? For the rest of your life?"

Yukimura's eyes glazed over as he looked off into the distance, and a breeze came out of nowhere to blow through his hair. "If you take tennis away from me, I have nothing. Tennis is all I am."

"That's such crap!" Niou shouted.

Marui sighed as Niou and Yukimura argued about the lack of importance of sex, and therefore Niou, in Yukimura's life.

"All this sex talk is making me horny," he said to Yanagi, "I think I'll go find Jirou."

"Mm. I'll walk you to the bus stop."

Marui and Yanagi got up and left, leaving the two still seated at the table to argue over sex for who knows how much longer after that.


End file.
